Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
