im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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