My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize