I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
