even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
