and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize