I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
