If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she peed on how many people?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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