there's paper in my vomit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
