You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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