We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
