hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
