conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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