The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
