Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
