come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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