Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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