I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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