dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
