Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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