ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
