Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
