i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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