it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
