I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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