even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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