so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
