The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
