shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
