Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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