There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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