you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
