So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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