So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
