She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
