Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
soo... how was my night?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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