I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
