So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
