I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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