O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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