I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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