Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
