yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
