She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
