and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
