I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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