just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize