Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
