I never want to see another naked old woman again.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
