my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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