Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
