So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
