I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
