I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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