Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
