I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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