well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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