curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
