You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
