if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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