But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
