i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
