We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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