my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
