where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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