Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
