Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
