i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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