i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
