Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
