got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
did i walk over a car last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
