actually, I'm a sock model
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize