remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
