bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
