I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
