Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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