Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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