dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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