the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
