I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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