There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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