Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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