she smelled like a LAN party
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
false alarm, still single
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
