woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
soo... how was my night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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