we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize