i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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