i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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