You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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