I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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