Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
