Reggie can tackle my bush.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
