why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
