also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
zippers are such a cool invention
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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