Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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