You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
