The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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