Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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