I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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