I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
