I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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