do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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