You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
