On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
