Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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