k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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