so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
what day is it and did you see me today?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
