dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What a fucking waste of an outfit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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