is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
