More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
