What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
